My typical Saturday morning routine includes dog walks, coffee, and my favorite podcast lineup, and today that meant tuning into This Empty Nest Life, hosted by my dear friend and former colleague, Jay Ramsden.

In this particular episode, he was interviewing Amber Fuhriman, author of “Break Your Bullsh*t Box.” She talked about how we instinctively shove our failures, our fears, and our pain into a box. We tape it shut, shove it in a corner, and put up a front that everything is perfect.

This made me think back to a time — honestly not that long ago — when I was navigating some personal and professional ups and downs. I realized that whenever someone asked, “How are you?” my auto-response was always, “Good!” or “Fine!” or “Busy, but good!”

I’d slap on that smile, quickly change the subject, and move along.

On the inside, I was absolutely not fine.

I wasn’t trying to be deceitful. I was just doing what we all do … maintaining the facade. But once I realized what I was doing, I made a pact with myself to stop being inauthentic. I decided that if I wasn’t doing well, I would simply say, “You know, I’m just okay at the moment.”

I wasn’t fishing for empathy. I wasn’t looking for a pity party. It was a reality check for me … a verbal reminder that I don’t always have to be the one holding it all together. And that it’s okay to share that with others.

The School Leader’s Burden

If you work in a school or a non-profit, you probably know this feeling intimately.

I see it constantly in this industry. Because we are in the “human-service” business, our default setting is to put others before ourselves. We internalize the pressures facing the faculty, the anxieties of the parents, and the needs of the students. We internalize the stress. We refuse to say “no.” We let it pile up.

And we never, ever ask for help.

There is a pervasive fear among school leaders that saying “I don’t know” or “I’m struggling” is a sign of weakness. You worry that if you pause to ask for directions, you’ll look incompetent … or even worse, that you’ll add to someone else’s overflowing workload. So, you keep walking the halls and nodding in meetings, even when you aren’t entirely sure how you’re going to make it through the week.

Authenticity is a Strategy

You may believe that putting up a wall of armor signals strength. But, feigning perfection isn’t serving your mission. And more importantly, it’s not serving you.

When you refuse to admit you’re at capacity, you burn out. When you refuse to admit you don’t know how to solve a specific problem, you waste time spinning your wheels instead of working toward a solution.

Leadership isn’t about having all the answers or being invincible. It’s about having the self-awareness to know when you need to bring in reinforcements.

Permission to Be Human

It is okay to not be okay. It is okay to look at a looming strategic initiative or an enrollment crisis and say, “I’m not sure how to tackle this alone.”

Next time someone asks how you’re doing, try dropping the mask. You don’t have to spill your deepest secrets, but try being real. You might be surprised at how much lighter the load feels when you stop pretending it isn’t heavy.

And if you find that you can’t carry that load by yourself? That’s okay, too. The smartest leaders are the ones who know when to reach out to a trusted friend or partner to help them sort through the noise and get back on track.

You don’t have to go it alone.